(When a cowboy’s too old to set a bad example, he hands out good advice.)

Never try to dry a wet pair of jeans in the oven

Keep your fence horse-hight, pig-tight, bull strong.

The only way to drive cattle fast is slowly.

Keep skunk, banker and lawyers at a distance.

When you’re a cowboy, life isn’t all about horses and rodeo’s. It’s about mud and dirt, and cowboy boots.

Life is simple when you plow around the stump.

A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.

Don't corner something that would normally run for you.

you cannot unsay a cruel word.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.

Every path has a few puddle.

When you wallow with pigs, expect tou get dirty.

Don't juge folksby their relatives.

Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

If you climb in the saddle, be ready for the ride.

Don't fix it if it ain't broke.

When in doubt, let your horse do the thinking,

Always drink upstream from the herd.

Good jugement come from experience, and a lot of that come from a bad jugement.

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

Don’t sell your mule to buy a plough.

If you haven't fallen off a horse, then you haven't been ridin' long enough.

Don't ever sell your saddle, life is a long ride.

The only good reason to ride a bull is to meet a nurse.

Don't squat with your spurs on.

Never drive black cattle in the dark.

Never approach a bull from the front, ta horse from the rear or a fool from any direction

Never ask a barber if you need a haircut.

If you get thrown from a horse, you have tou get up and get back on, unless you landed on a cactus; then you have to roll around and scream in pain.

There never was a horse that couldn’t be rode; never was a cowboy who couldn’t be throwed.

Don't name a cow you plan to eat.

Never hire the people you drink with.

Only a fool argues with skunk, a mule, or a cook.

Speak your mind, but ride a fast horse.

The measure of a man is when he does the right thing even when no one is watching.

You don’t learn much when everything goes right.

When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.

Like a good cowboy, a good hat just gets better as it gets older.

There are more horses as*** than horses.

After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you’re full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

Take no more on your heels than you can kick off with your toes.

No matter how much horsepower your truck has it still can’t cut a calf from the herd

Never walk when you can ride, and never stand when you can sit.

The man that straddles the fence usually has a sore crotch.

Careful is a naked man climbing a barbed wire fence.

Color don’t count if the horse don’t trot.

There’s a whole lot more to ridin’ a horse than sittin’ in the saddle and lettin’ your feet hang down.

Too much debt doubles the weight on your horse and puts another in control of the reins.

If your horse doesn’t want to go there, neither do you.

A man with an edgy smile is like a dog with a waggin’ tail: he not happy, he’s nervous.

No matter where you ride to, that’s where you are.

No tree is too big for a short dog to lift his leg on.

The best way to get a cowboy to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.

A man doesn’t need to be any higher, than on top of a horse.

Don’t inquire into a person’s past. Take the measure of a man for what he is today.

Never pass anyone on the trail without saying “Howdy, and,

After you pass someone on the trail, don’t look back at him. It implies you don’t trust him.

A cowboy doesn’t talk much; he saves his breath for breathing.

Never try on another man’s hat.

An old cowboy is a man who’s had a lot of interesting experiences

 — some of them true...